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Samuel: Daddy, what do these buttons do?
Me: One unlocks the car and the other blows up the whole world. So DO NOT press that button.
S: Really? One blows up the whole world?
M: Don't press it.
M: Everything in the whole world. Don't press it.
S: Wow.
[Overheard a few minutes later]
S: Wow.
[Overheard a few minutes later]
S: Avalee, I don't like that button. There shouldn't be a button to blow up the whole world.
Avalee: [Indistinguishable]
S: That is a BAD button, Avalee. I DO NOT like that button. If you press it, it will blow up the whole world.
Avalee: [Indistinguishable]
S: That is a BAD button, Avalee. I DO NOT like that button. If you press it, it will blow up the whole world.
[a minute later]
Me: Sam, those buttons will not blow up the world. I was just kiidding. They just basically turn things on and off in the van.
S: OH. Dad, what about the RED button. If you hit that red button will it turn off everything in the whole world? What is the red button?
S: OH. Dad, what about the RED button. If you hit that red button will it turn off everything in the whole world? What is the red button?
M: It's the panic button.
S: What is the panic button?
M: It's the button you hit when you panic.
S: What does it do?
M: It will turn on certain things in the car and turn things off.
S: Have you ever hit it?
M: No, I don't ever panic.
S: Why is it there? Why would you turn things on and off when you panic?
M: I don't know. It's a worthless button.
S: Why is it there?
M: I don't know.
S: But why would you use it?
M: It's when everything in the world is going wrong and you hit that button to fix it.
Can you imagine a GOOD reason to ever hit the "end of the world" button? [Absent, of course, the world being taken over by communists?]
ReplyDeleteMonash,
ReplyDeleteYes. I can imagine that God told me to hit it and promised he would recreate it with our house being sold (all other things being equal) and assured me that "gappy" existence is possible such that my doppleganger won't be raising counterpart kids.
I can also imagine the SEC not being a bunch of cheaters.
Of course you can imagine the SEC not being cheaters...Unless you have a cognitive malfunction IN YOUR PRESENT PERCEPTION, all you have to do is OPEN YOUR EYES, FOOL!!!
ReplyDelete[And I love the irony of accusations of dishonesty coming from a SUCK-EYE FAN!!!!]
This reminds me of when my dad would tell me that the A/C button on our 1983 Ford Tempo was an eject button for the passenger side seat.
ReplyDeleteTeasing is good. You won't have gullible kids. My brother recently told me that he was showing Britt some home video of one of the family vacations when he was a baby. They stumbled on some footage of us out in Provo, UT, and dad was trying to tell me that a certain building was the football stadium. I, probably already aware of my dad's teasing, kept muttering, "I don't know about that, dad." I was four I think.
JS,
ReplyDelete"An eject button." That's great.