The Bible Teaches That David is God

This is clever and makes a nice point or two.  (I might add, the Bible also teaches pacifism, annihilationism, Tuggy's-subordinationism, modern-egalitarianism, and many other trendyisms).

The Bible holds many hidden wonders. In addition to its explicit teachings, by careful reasoning we can draw out many implications of what it says, by comparing various parts with others. Aided by various evangelical apologists and theologians, I’ve made a few discoveries which I am now privileged and humbled to share with the world.
Step 1: prove that Jesus is God
1. When the prophet Isaiah says “Prepare the way of the Lord” (Isaiah 40:3) the “Lord” there is God, Yahweh.
2. Mark applies this to Jesus; the “Lord” when he quotes Isaiah is Jesus. (Mark 1:3)
3. Therefore, Jesus is God. (1,2)

Step 2: prove that Jesus is David

1. When the Psalmist says “The Lord says to my lord, ‘Sit at my right hand
   until I make your enemies your footstool'” the words “my lord” refer to David. (Psalm 110:1)
2. When Luke (and Peter) quote this Psalm, “my lord” refers to Jesus. (Acts 2:34-36)
3. Therefore, Jesus is David. (1,2)

Step 3: tie it all together

1. Jesus is God. (Step 1)
2. Jesus is David. (Step 2)
3. Therefore, David is God. (1,2)

Lest you have doubts about the validity [of] this third argument, be assured that 3 follows from 1 and 2. Things that are identical to the same thing (here, Jesus) must also be identical to one another (here, God and David). We have just proving [sic] the divinity of David. Or, if you like, the Davidity of God.

Friends, the implications of this are astounding. Not only is Jesus God (Step 1), but we also know that he’s not the only incarnation of God (Step 3), and that reincarnation occurs, at least sometimes. (Step 2)

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “David sinned! He can’t be God!” Friend, we must avoid rationalism – the bad habit of refusing to believe things one can’t understand. No, I don’t understand how God – a holy and perfect being- could commit sins of adultery and murder. But I choose to believe what the Bible says, as I’ve outlined above. I will not call God, the ultimate author of the Bible, a liar. I choose humility over rationalistic pride.

Perhaps you’ll reject this as a new innovation, as something absent from the Christian tradition. Well, Step 3 is just simple logic. And Step 2, which you’re objecting to, uses the same sort of reasoning as Step 1. You think Step 1 is mainstream, right? Sometimes implications take a while to be noticed, sometimes many centuries; I couldn’t say why these implications (Steps 2 and 3) weren’t noticed before. I suppose it could just be due [to] my extraordinary intellectual humility that I have been blessed with making these awesome discoveries. It is all by God’s grace, of course.